Sometimes we're gonna have to Lose
by Random007
Summary: A different take on the speculated romance between Phil Coulson and his Cellist. In other words, Phil's terrible timing with romance.
1. THE BEGINNING

_I don't own anything to do with the Avengers, but would I be writing this if I did? I know Amy Acker has now been cast as the Cellist but I started this before I knew that so this story shall not follow anything to do with that cellist._

Phil Coulson was dead. That much Louise Roberts knew for sure. She was just a regular citizen. How did she know him in the first place? It's an interesting story actually, perhaps it should be told from the beginning. There's a possibility that it should be told from the end, but where's the interest in that? Right, it's been decided. The story shall be told in five parts; The Beginning, The Beginning of The Middle, The Middle, The End of The Middle and The End. Let's start at the very beginning, for as Maria once said in the _Sound of Music, _it's a very good place to start.

THE BEGINNING

Louise thought that she should have been more careful, then again, she thought Phil should have too. It was a cold, blustery, winter's night, the concert in which Louise had been performing had just finished, she was walking home, phone in hand, texting one of her good friends, Kelly. It was well past eleven pm, so Louise did not expect anyone to be out and about, at least not walking.

Phil Coulson also happened to be walking home, to a very rarely used flat in New York. There was a cup of coffee on his hand, which he was not only using to keep himself awake, but to warm himself up too. Phil was also trying not to think of the mountains of paper work he had been assured by Fury were piling up in his home. Fury had given him the night and next morning 'off' and by 'off' he meant catching up on paperwork.

Unknowing to themselves, their paths would cross. When they did, the worst happened. Louise's phone left a bruise in Phil's chest, his coffee left a burning stain in her blouse. Both apologizing profusely, Louise marched Phil to the nearest all hours coffee shop, and bought him another one. Phil gave her some money for a new blouse, given the one she was wearing had been completely ruined.

They then went their separate ways, neither expecting to see the other again. Neither could recall what they talked about, but the others face and charming persona definitely stuck in their minds. That could have been it, end of story, but it wasn't.

A little less than a month past, of boring S.H.I.E.L.D. work for Phil, a little less then interesting concerts of the same old music, the same old people for Louise. They both found that they thought of the other often, though neither thought that each would see the other again.

It was no secret at S.H.I.E.L.D. That Phil Coulson loved Captain America, and classical music, so when Fury presented him with a ticket to a live classical performance, and a night off, properly off, Phil quickly accepted, and though he remained professional, he jumped for joy inside. He had just come back from Berlin with Barton and Romanoff, and though the mission had been very successful, each had their fair share of cuts and bruises, and all three's concentrated mainly on the face and fore arms.

Every evening, before the concert with her orchestra started, Louise would scan the crowd, looking to see if there was anyone that she knew. She almost did a double take when she saw him. He had a long cut down one side of his face, a yellowing-yet-still-purple bruise on the other cheek, just below the eye. Yet, he though this change in his face, he was definitely her coffee-spiller, Phil Coulson.

Throughout the show, Louise was distracted and kept sneaking glances at Phil who just-so-happened to be sitting in the front row of the circle. Phil noticed this and immediately recognised her, of course it had been a cello on her back when they had met before. The concert was lovely, the music beautiful, but Phil was totally entranced by one particular cellist. The cellist whom he had met and the one who had introduced herself as Louise. Lovely name, pretty girl, this time when he would meet her, he would get to know her personality and definitely get her number.

When it had finished, Louise packed up at the speed of light, though it was not needed as Phil was waiting for her outside the stage door. He walked Louise home, which unusually took a good half an hour, both of them walking at an incredibly slow pace, in which time they talked, got to know each other better. Phil listened as she described her dream of being a first class cellist, playing in a different concert hall every night.

They arranged a date to meet again, next Friday at twelve o'clock, for lunch. Louise couldn't do dinner because of her job as a cellist, the concerts always were in the evening. They would meet at the restaurant, a little Italian place, a few blocks from both S.H.I.E.L.D. and the concert hall. As they were saying goodbye on her doorstep, Louise gave Phil a quick peck on the cheek, a sign which meant to Phil that she really did like him.

The next day as he walked to work, Phil whistled to himself, a very out of character thing for him to do, a thing which meant he was exceptionally happy. He then realised he had to ask Fury for more time off and became a little less cheery. Phil rationally explained to the director his situation, to which the director said, "I give you tickets to a classical concert and you manage to get yourself a date? Only you Phil Coulson." He did, after some persuading, eventually agree though.

That week, for his birthday had fallen on a Saturday, Phil Coulson was exceptionally happy. The only fact remained was that no one knew why. Not even Barton and Romanoff, and they knew all of Agent Coulson's secrets. He in turn knew theirs, but still. No matter how hard anyone tried, they could not get a word out of him. He was a spy, of course he could keep some secrets, but such a big secret, in such the place where such a large amount of world class spies lived and/or worked, it was extremely surprising.

In the orchestra, the same thing happened. Everyone noticed how Louise Roberts had and extra flourish in her bow, an extra wide smile, she even talked backstage, a first for the quiet, bookish girl. Some who had not even noticed her before, began to strike up conversation to learn about her and her interests. People who had classed her as a nerd found out more things about her, which were all still pretty nerdy, but also pretty cool. Many musicians wondered what had brought on this fun loving Louise, though the truth was, even she didn't really know. It was just a date, she had been on plenty before. Truth be told, she didn't really know anything about this guy, he had mainly let her talk when they first met, and when he had walked her home.

By the time Friday rolled around, Louise couldn't wait to know more about Phil, and he, her. Phil picked her up from her small home at quarter to twelve. He had spent all morning fussing about what to wear, and no, he did not dress in his usual classic suit, he had jeans and a Captain America tee on.

"I love your top!" Was the first thing that was said to him, straight away as the door was answered. Phil's eyes widened, his smile brightened. Louise quickly added, "And you too." Though the mention of the Cap had more effect on the older man.

"Don't you think that he was one of the best? The first real super hero!?" Phil fanboyed, and that was it, he was off in his own little fan boy world about all things Captain America. Just as they were about to reach the restaurant, Louise realised that she had been with a friend at an auction when her friend had lost a Captain America trading card to this man. She brought this up, and he showed her the full set in photos on his phone. They reached the small restaurant, in which their conversation was stopped. Louise's spaghetti carbonara came quickly, as did Phil's Pollo Al Fungi pizza. The food was excellent, the service fantastic, but the main part each of them were to remember would be staring in to the other's eyes, all blue, glassy, fascinating orbs which brought light in to each of their faces. Lunch was soon finished all too soon for not only Louise but Phil as well. He hadn't been expecting to have a great date, for he hadn't been on one for most of the time he had been at S.H.I.E.L.D. due to the all things classified rule, and not being able to have the time off.

Once they had finished, Phil invited Louise back to his flat, where they hung out for the rest of the afternoon, until Louise had to go back to the concert hall. Phil went back in to S.H.I.E.L.D. Fury had called him in for a few reasons, mainly to discuss Barton's abysmal paperwork, but once they had finished that topic, the director asked, "How did the date go?" To which Phil smiled in response. It had been amazing. So, so good. Wonderful. Fury nodded to this though said, "Don't let this interfere with your work, agent. Don't become emotionally compromised." Phil shuddered slightly at the directors words, and voice. Fury could be scary when he wanted to be.

It just so happened that a certain archer had been crawling along the vents outside Fury's office at that time. He heard that Phil had been on a date and quickly told a certain spider. They weren't first class spies for nothing. Together, the hawk and the spider made their way to Agent Coulson's office at eleven thirty that night, where they guessed he was on the phone. This was after the female agent had rapped on the door three times in quick succession, and they heard a faint, "Sorry, gotta go, bye Lou." And some kissing noises which both of the agents had gagged at.

Phil's low rumble soon invited them to come in, and though Coulson was not surprised at seeing Natasha and Clint standing there, he was surprised at the topic they had come to discuss. "Who are you dating?" Clint blurted out, forgetting his and Natasha's plan to approach the matter sensitivity and calmly. Clint stared at Coulson which his cold, stormy, grey eyes, hoping he looked terrifying enough for his handler to be truthful about it.

At first, Phil tried to deny it, but under Clint's cold glare he crumbled. "A-a Cellist," he admitted, blushing and staring at the ground. "She's called Louise." With this information, Barton and Romanoff began to interrogate Coulson about his cellist for the remaining half hour of the day. They both couldn't wait to meet, judge and scare her, for their handler was just like another best friend. Phil was the first to notice when they began dating, when they had a mini break up, and would be the only guest at their wedding in Budapest, but that was a whole different story.

When the Hawk and Spider finally went away, Phil sighed to himself. He really did like that girl. But if they were in a relationship it would be difficult. As said before, he very rarely got time off, and spent a lot of time halfway across the world. This was the reason he hadn't really dated anyone since he had joined S.H.I.E.L.D. But he really did like her, and she really did like him.

Louise was a little downhearted that night when she got to the concert hall. She wished she could haves had spent more time with him. Phil. That night Louise played well, she was not entirely focused but how could she be? She had just met the 'man of her dreams' however cliché that may sound.

Again, Louise quickly packed up, slotting the bow in place and zipping up the case. Though she had seen him not a few hours ago, on her walk home she calls Phil again, out of loneliness and simply wanting to hear his voice again.

BRING BRING

BRING BRING

BRING BRING

Louise was beginning to give up hope by the third ring. Every time she had called Phil before, he had picked up ok the first. Maybe he was busy.

"Hello, this is Phillip J. Coulson, please state your name and business here to-err-night." Phil's voice came on the end of the line. Louise chuckled slightly, that must be the way he was told to answer his calls at work.

"Hello Phillip J. Coulson, this is Louise E. Roberts. I would like to see if you're available to chat." That time she heard him laugh. His laugh was quite cute, it reminded her of bubbles and rainbows.

"I'm at work, but I could probably talk at the same time."

"Only probably?"

"Definitely."

"Okay then... Who do you even work for?"

"A government agency. S.H.I.E.L.D. The rest is kind of-"

"Classified. Don't worry. One of my stupid ex's worked there. I know just about everything's classified." Phil had hoped that his job wouldn't really come up, but it was out there. At least she understood. Louise was a little miffed but already knew that herself and Phil would be able to work around it, unlike that idiot James Clifton. She wasn't the least surprised when Phil asked who it was, and he was none too surprised when it turned out to be agent Clifton. Phil had never liked that agent. He was a complete idiot.

Louise suddenly heard three loud knocks crackling through her reception, and Phil saying, "Sorry, gotta go, bye Lou." And kissed her down the phone. Phil then cut off quite quickly, before Louise could reply. Louise was a little shocked. No one ever really called her 'Lou' and if they did, she stopped them pretty soon. However, 'Lou' found herself liking the name as it was coming from Phil's lips and though she was not given the chance to, she wouldn't stop him from saying it in the future either. The phone was put back in Louise's pocket as she pulled her jacket tighter, hoping to shelter herself from the harsh wind that tormented the city. It didn't do much to help, though Louise soon was home and tucked up in a nice, yet empty bed. Aside from the teddies this is.


	2. THE BEGINNING OF THE MIDDLE

_Wow. I was not expecting that response. Thank you for all the nice reviews that made my day. I really appreciate it. _

THE BEGINNING OF THE MIDDLE

To Louise, Phil Coulson seemed like the world's greatest superhero. He practically was his job, yes, he also probably would have never left his 'workplace' for something other than 'work' had Louise not been around, yes, but he also made the effort to spend every second he could with her, even if it meant running off coffee. He cared about her, in a way she never thought anyone would. Her college boyfriend had been a bit of a dickhead and even twenty years or so later she still hadn't gotten past that. Phil made her feel whole again, yes as sappy as it may sound, and that she could love once again.

Over the three months they had been 'dating' (Louise hated that word. It made people sound like they were shrivelling up like old prunes.) Louise had ditched her flat and involved in to Phil's slightly classier apartment, keeping it in order when he was 'away with work'. Louise's best friend, who had never met Phil, Kelly, had gotten it in to he head that he was some creepy playboy who just randomly came back to his girls to make them believe he was faithful. Louise, however, had quickly shot her down with, "You haven't seen the bullet wounds, the stab wounds, the scars."

"So you've had sex already?"

"No! I've just seen him with his clothes off."

"Sure sure."

That whole encounter had been awkward. Right now though, Louise was practising an audition piece, for one of the best orchestra's in the US, Portland symphony, for they might have an opening in a few months for a second chair cellist. There were definitely going to be thousands of applicants, and since she was only going for experience, Louise hadn't told Phil.

Phil at this moment was at work, and his boss had just called an emergency meeting with him which could have three possible outcomes; a mission for Strike Team Delta, Barton being Barton (Under this came Barton scaring recruits, Barton's abysmal paperwork, Barton shooting pink arrows with suction cups on the end pretending he's cupid... Don't even ask...) or Phil had done done something wrong. As he couldn't think of anything he'd done wrong, Natasha had done Clint's last bit of paperwork, as was currently training Clint as he'd almost died on their last mission (he hadn't been injured but the target had had a knife to his throat), Phil assumed it had to be a mission, his heart sinking. Louise was going to kill him if he came home with anymore cuts or bruises. He hoped it wouldn't be too long, though if Fury wanted to speak to him about it, it had to be important.

Three times in quick succession, Phil rapped on the office door. As always he was greeted with the surly, "Come in." Three folders lay closed on the desk. The first read, 'Case 2968' another 'The Black Widow- Natalia Romanova/ Natasha Romanoff' and the final one, 'The Red Room'.

"Sir?" Phil asked. If he had a mission to do with the Red Room, there were a few pros and cons to Natasha doing it, but the cons were far greater. They knew who she was, her style, she feared them, they knew her weaknesses. Then again, she knew how they worked, they feared her, she was one of S.H.I.E.L.D's best agents.

"A leader of the Red Room has been sighted in Budapest, Hungary. He is attending a gala in a few days which Barton and Romanoff will also be attending. They will capture him, with you in the air. Questions?"

"You know about agent Romanoff's past, sir. I don't think it would be wise to send her on this mission."

"She's best suited."

"If I die telling her, it's your fault."

"You leave tomorrow, 1300 hours. Go tell the delightful duo and spend the rest of your day with your famous cellist. See you soon, Agent Coulson."

"Likewise, director." And with that Phil left. The 'delightful duo' were still in the training room when Phil found them, though they were about to finish. Phil told them he needed to talk and all three soon advanced to his office. "Barton wait outside," Phil quickly said, though neither Clint nor Natasha knew why. Natasha knew Phil would only explain separately if he thought one of them wouldn't like it, and usually that person went in first. "Agent Romanoff, there's a mission in Budapest that Director Fury will suit yourself and Agent Barton the best."

"Cut the crap, Coulson. What won't I like?"

"Well it involves taking down the leader of... the Red... Room?" Phil winced as Natasha glowered under her expressionless mask, her head filled with emotions. Shock, scared, fear, sadness, all registered in her head. Why? Fury knew all about her past. He knew what they did to her. What they made her. Her head was spinning slightly as she stood up and calmly walked out the office, avoiding Clint's eye, before reaching the end of the hallway, turning a corner and breaking out in to a sprint to her S.H.I.E.L.D. allocated quarters. Clint was confused when Coulson told him to enter. Something was up with Tasha, no matter how hard she tried to mask it.

"What did you tell her?" Clint wondered aloud.

"Please come to the landing strip at 1300 hours tomorrow, and bring Natasha." Phil replied. "Your mission involves taking down a leader of the Red Room." Clint gulped. No wonder Natasha wasn't happy. And it would be his job to calm her down. He sarcastically thanked Coulson in his head as he took off after Natasha.

Louise was still practising. When she played, time stood still to her. Nothing else mattered. At current count, not that she knew, Louise had been practising for four hours straight, fingers flying up and down, bow sliding across the strings with a flourish. She had just finished one piece and was about to start another when she heard clapping coming from behind. Blushing, and almost dropping a very expensive cello, she saw it was Phil. She walked over, picking her way through the tiny stepping stones of floor in the midst of sheet music, she flung her arms around his next. "Missed you," she whispered, before they passionately kissed.

When they broke apart and moved to the loungey areas Louise questioned Phil as to why he was home so early. "About that..." He began to reply, figuring out how to make the words seem less harsh. "My boss is sending me to Hungary for at least two weeks, probably longer. The downcast look in her eyes was obvious. She was heart broken that she would not be seeing her beloved Phil for at least two weeks. "I'm so sorry, baby," he said, snaking an arm around her waist, "But I'm here til tomorrow."

"Always looking on the bright side." She whispered. Trust Phil to cheer her up. His arms lifted her up and in to the kitchen, where they decided bother of them could be bothered to cook. Having settled on a Chinese, they sat in front of the telly and began to 'watch' a program, when really, all either we're doing was getting lost in the others eyes and eating the food from the Chinese place down the road.

Louise hugged him one final time on the doorstep. "You'll be okay, won't you?" She asked, worried, for he always came back from these 'business trips' with new cuts and bruises.

"Don't worry, Lou. I'll be fine." Even Phil doubted Louise believed him. Hell, he didn't even believe himself. He slowly walked away, backwards, as to see her face for longer. To see her eyes, great chocolatey orbs which melted your senses. He stomped in to S.H.I.E.L.D; found Romanoff and Barton on the landing strip and left. Left America, left Louise and left a good peaceful home.

She was practising again. Again! Today Louise was recording her tape to send off, off to Portland where it would be evaluated and decided how good it was. Louise played magnificently, she had all the anger and sadness of Phil leaving building up inside her. The recording was done and sent off, and no more could be done. Nothing but moping, hoping, crying and lying to herself. It was like this every time. One would have thought she had learned by now. After three months. But no, the wallowing in sadness always happened.

Phil wondered how Barton and Romanoff had got him to agree to stay this. They were in a little church, just outside of Budapest, in which the world's two most deadliest assassins were getting married. Phil wondered if one day it might be him and Louise, in a long time. The small, balding priest with slightly fluffy ears bang hiss speech to the small congregation. By that it was meant Phil. The one-man congregation. "We are gathered here today to witness..." Phil's mind wandered slightly. He shouldn't be letting them do this. It's surely against S.H.I.E.L.D's code of conduct. He also thought S.H.I.E.L.D. would be more prepared to let Barton and Romanoff marry than himself and Louise. She was too much of an easy target.

"I now pronounce you man and wife." Phil walked out the church with Barton and... Barton, trying to stop them from making out in the street. Phil glanced up to the rooftops of the city and pulled out a gun from his jacket.

He shot the sniper that had been on standby, which caught the attention of the two lovebirds. Soon there was a full scale attack, with the three of them hiding behind a car, Clint or Natasha jumping up every few seconds to shoot some of the oncoming men. At some point when they were both up, Natasha muttered, "This is a different way of attacking,"

To which Clint replied,"This is all you're going to remember." Phil sighed and let the two shoot. Once they were almost done, he bobbed up, after finding an extra magazine clip, and began to help. As he pulled the trigger and shot the last man, the last man also shot him. Only in the shoulder, but it was enough for blood to be seeping through his shirt and him to have fallen to the floor. Romanoff was already on the phone to HQ, demanding a medical evac immediately. It was safe to say the Hungarian branch of the Red Room had been taken down. Barton was helping Phil to stop the blood. Medical soon arrived but there was blood. Lots.

Louise called Phil to hear his voice, even if only on the voicemail. She was not expecting him to pick up. Though he did. "Oh God, Phil are you okay?" She asked, not that she knew anything was wrong, Phil was just 'prone' to getting hurt.

"I'm sorry," A male voice that was not Phil answered. "I'm Clint, work partner. He's not okay." Phil explained to the woman that he guessed was the cellist about Phil being shot.

"Is he... Alive?" Louise's lips hovered over the word, assuming the worst. Phil was dead. He couldn't be dead... Could he?

"Yeah, he's alive, in medical getting the bullet removed. It was only in the shoulder." Louise breathed out a sigh of relief. A breath she didn't know she had been holding. Phil was alive being treated. "Sorry, I've got to go. When he wakes up I'll tell him you called. Bye."

"Goodbye ." He was alive. That was all that mattered.

Clint dropped Phil home that night. As they said their farewells in the car, Clint asked if he was ever going to meet Phil's famous cellist. After giving it some thought, the man in question replied, "Someday." Before rather lopsidedly leaving the car. He rang the doorbell knowing Louise would be home so not bothering to find his keys. Louise flung her arms around her boyfriend as soon as she had opened the door, though careful not to touch his injured shoulder. She soon stepped. Phil following with a quick wave at a smiling Clint. A Clint who was happy because his handler/best friend was. Louise didn't quiz him about answers he couldn't give, but was content to sit in his arm, staring in to each other's eyes. And occasionally lip locking.


	3. THE MIDDLE

THE MIDDLE

Louise and Phil sat on his small couch together, smiling as they ate. Phil soon turned on the TV. The first thing that came up was the opening of the Stark expo, something which Phil was glad he had managed to pass to another agent, Stark was not something he needed to be dealing with right then. He reached over to change the channel but Louise smacked it out of his hands and turned the box back off. "We need to talk," she proclaimed, and Phil's thoughts turned to the worst. She wanted to have the 'where is this relationship going' talk. How it couldn't work because he was away so often. How she didn't like him anymore. Oh no. "Don't worry," Louise reassured, with a quick peck on to his cheek, "Its okay. I just... I got an audition. But it's in Portland. I-I don't know if I'll get in, but if I do-"

"We'll work it out. Congrats, Lou, that's great news!" Of course Phil was downhearted that he wouldn't get to see as much of his love, but she had a job to do, a job she loved to do.

"Are you sure it's okay? I wouldn't dream of not taking it but I wouldn't like to lose you in the process." Phil smiled. That was his Louise. One that would stop at nothing to get what she wanted.

"You go get it girl!" He said with a strong Texas accent, which made Louise laugh. It was unlike him to say stuff like that.

"Well it's in five days, and I'm up against people in like their twenties. I might as well stay here."

"You have experience, Lou. And you will get it. I know you will." Louise smiled at the faith her lover had in her. Maybe she could get the job, if she tried hard enough.

* * *

"I need you to watch Stark." The director of S.H.I.E.L.D. told Agent Coulson, the day after Romanoff had been attending Stark's party and complained so much the director himself had gone to meet with Stark. She had said throughout her placement Stark had kept trying to hit on her, and since she was married to Clint now, it was extremely awkward and she just wanted to be rid of him as soon as possible.

"Are you serious?" Phil replied in annoyance to his directors statement.

"Yes Coulson. I need you now." Phil quickly called Louise as she was out about the situation, and how he hoped to be back soon.

* * *

"If you try to escape I will taze you and watch supernanny while you drool in to the carpet." Phil said to Tony. He didn't know why supernanny had come in to his head. Possibly because Louise liked it and had forced him to watch it a few days before. Stark gave Phil a look and then rambled on about something Phil didn't care about. He really felt for agent Romanoff, who had already had to put up with him for a few days, and now, here he was, helping her. At least Barton wasn't here. He'd go insane at Starks snarky comments, if Stark wasn't already dead for trying to hit on his wife. Phil settled in fine to the half destroyed Malibu house, not really keeping an eye on Tony but rather texting his girlfriend and the chief commander of S.H.I.E.L.D., agent Hill, who said they had found something in New Meico but didn't think they needed him to check it out just yet.

Phil and Natasha also had a great catch up, neither having seen the other for ages. Phil asked about Barton, who Natasha said was great, with a huge grin on her face and a twist to the ring on her finger. She then said, "Stark would be dead if Clint knew he was trying to hit on me. He knows I'm married and both my partner and I could kick his ass if we wanted to, but still he insists on chatting me up." Phil smiled. That was exactly what Tony was like, despite everyone else knowing that he and Pepper were made for each other. Just like he hoped Louise was made for him. She was probably on a plane to Portland, her audition was in just two days and she wanted to get used to the area before she player in front of every one. Phil had wished her luck over one thousand times already and would continue to until the big day. He knew she hated all the fuss but he wanted to fuss, and really did want her to get the job.

* * *

E, A, C, B, A, UPPER E, D... Louise practised time and time again. Her fingers flew up and down the fingerboard, her bow flying across the strings. But the right notes, rhythms, tuning and dynamics didn't seem to do it for her. She needed something to make her play her heart out, something to spur on her gusto.

It was the morning of the final audition and Louise was just about to leave her hotel room when the man who deliver the room service each night came up with a bunch of flowers. He said he'd been told to give them to her, and that he hoped she liked them. Louise took them graciously and instantly knew Phil had sent them. Three lillies and three red roses were prominent, amongst an assortment of others. She loved him so much and despite the bombardment of 'good luck' texts she had had over the past few days, she knew he loved her back. She hoped he was alright, wherever he was, and didn't miss her as much as she missed him. She put the flowers in a cup, and went outside to hail a taxi, but there was already a convertible red car waiting for her there. Lola. Phil's most prized possession, a corvette. Louise smiled and climbed in, carefully placing her cello in the back. "What puts a cabbie like yourself here?" She asked the driver expecting laughter from the serious man in the suit.

Instead she got a grin and the reply of, "Couldn't let a gorgeous girl like yourself go off to an audition all alone now could I?" Louise smiled back. Maybe this was what she needed to give her the gusto that was missing.

Louise knew she had performed to the best of her ability, despite the nerve wracking experience. The notes and technical parts were all correct, and Phil supplied her with passion and calm as she became panicked. She claimed back in to Phil's car afterwards, expecting him to stay with her at the hotel until her flight departed early the next morning, but Phil had to apologise. He had just a few hours to stop, a few hours that he wasn't even supposed to have, and had to be in New Mexico soon.

After apologising profusely in Lola, Phil gave Louise a kiss before telling her to 'get out' in nicer terms. Obviously. Louise knew her audition had gone well so just needed to wait at home to see if she did or didn't get the part. She hadn't heard the two other contenders, but they must have been good, making it that far. As she packed to go home, Louise smiled, a manic grin she couldn't control. If she didn't get the job, which she was pretty sure was going to be the case, it had still been nice of Phil to stop off between jobs.

* * *

Phil had pulled many favours to be able to see Louise. The first was that he now owed Barton something for shoving a briefing packet at him and saying, "start I'll be back soon," the running off. The second was to agent Jasper Sitwell, who Phil didn't particularly like but had gotten to cover for him with Fury. The second of many. Clint was glad to be relieved of his duties, in his words- He sees better from a distance. Phil took his place looking at the readings from the 0-8-4 and then the rerouting of flights. That night, there was a break in to the compound and the strange blonde man that breached the perimeter was taken in to custody. Phil was in the interrogating room when his phone buzzed. It was Louise. Phil knew he shouldn't take it but he backed out the door anyway. "Hey, Lou," he whispered, not wanting to he overheard.

"Phil! I just wanted to know what you were up to. I was going to leave a voicemail but..."

"I'm kinda busy but I'll always have a few moments to talk to my favourite girl."

"Don't worry about it. When are you getting home?"

"Couple of days, week at most. Make sure you call me the second you get those results, 'kay?"

"'Kay baby, bye, go work."

"Bye, and take a break from the cello. Maybe go see Kelly." Phil cut off and walked back to the interrogation room that held their prisoner. Who said goodbye to him as he entered. Phil responded with some kind of witty comment and want back in to his interrogation mode.

In the end it turned out Thor, as he was named, was a good guy, Asgardian but allied with earth. Which was almost certainly good. The astrophysicist, Jane, got her research back, Selvig came to work with S.H.I.E.L.D. And Darcy became reunited with her iPod. Phil caught a S.H.I.E.L.D. flight back to New York where he went straight home, without checking in with Romanoff. Barton had been bugging him the entire flight so he didn't need to check in. Phil went straight home to Louise, where the post for the day had just come.


	4. THE END OF THE MIDDLE

_I'm really sorry, meant to put this up yesterday but I was at an open race and got home at midnight. But I got a new PB so I'm happy._

THE END OF THE MIDDLE

Phil knocked on his door hoping Louise was in. Louise opened the door her finger on the call button to call the man at the door, letter still in her hand. She hugged him as he stepped inside, even though he was dripping wet from the rain. He looked at her hand and saw the letter with 'Portland symphony orchestra' stamped on the back. "Open it then!" Phil said as he took his shoes and coat off. Louise slid her finger under the gap and then viciously ripped the envelope to pieces.

When she started to scream Phil didn't know whether the news was good or bad.

When he tore the letter out of her hands he saw why she was screaming.

_'Dear Ms Louise Roberts, _

_I am very pleased to inform you that you have been offered a place in the Portland symphony orchestra. Not only was your performance outstanding but it was so compelling whilst watching it back it reduced one of the conductors to tears. If you decide to take this offer please call us and we expect you to be here by 30th April._

_We hope you take this acceptance well, _

_Yours sincerely, _

_Timothy West, Chairman of Portland symphony orchestra'_

"That's fantastic, Lou, well done!" Phil said kissing her forehead as she stopped screaming. Louise was still in disbelief as she sat down with him.

The first words out of her mouth were, "I'm sorry. I'm so s-"

"Don't be. Please, please don't be. We can work this out. We should be able to work this out." Phil hugged her as she broke in to a grin and began to do a weird happy dance. They spent the rest of the day together having fun which they decided they should do much more often.

* * *

"I can't actually believe this is happening." Louise smiled ten days later, her bags packed ready to move out. "Come visit me soon?"

"As soon as I can," replied Phil as he got out the car, and pulled the two bags out. He walked with her inside where she pulled him in to a tight embrace.

"I'm going to miss you so much," she whispered through her tears. Phil couldn't reply through his.

It's so odd, when people say goodbye when one of them is going away or its the end of the project, and they bump in to each other only a few weeks later. Both Phil and Louise knew that they were going to seen each other again at the weekend, when Phil had promised to show up, but they both cried like babies at the prospect of saying good by to each other. They never did it that badly when Phil went away. Maybe it was because she was permanently moving away, not coming back for some time. Still, he let her go and she boarded her flight, still crying. "Why the tears?" The woman sitting next to her asked.

"I just left my boyfriend for a bit. I'll be fine." Louise replied, inserting her ear buds in and turning to face the window.

* * *

Phil had just climbed back in to his car when his phone went off. It was S.H.I.E.L.D. What better to fill his time than work? He picked up and heard, "We have found Captain Steven Rogers. Report to base immediately, I repeat, we have found Captain Steven Rogers." Phil's eyes widened. They had found his childhood hero? His hero was alive. Phil sped off to the New York base, ready to confront Fury as to exactly what this meant.

Phil couldn't believe that Captain America was actually there. He sat down next to the still frozen man and put his head in his hands. Nothing happens for ages and then it all happens at once. "Coulson." Phil turned to see Fury staring at him. "I'm sorry but I can't put you in charge of this op. Sitwell's heading it, but I have a proposal for you. You can have a little input on the design for the uniform." Phil looked at him, asking if he was serious. A LITTLE design input? This was the man he had dreamt of meeting through his whole childhood.

"May I ask why, sir? Why am I not in charge of this operation?"

"You'll be too hot headed, your childhood showing through. And don't think I haven't noticed that you've become slightly emotionally compromised." Phil hung his head as the director turned and walked away.

Later that day Phil went outside to call Louise. She was doing fine and that's about as much as he gained from their short conversation. She was on a 5 minute break from rehearsals, but promised to call him again later that night.

* * *

It was finally the weekend, and that was something Phil was glad about. There wasn't much to do yet on the Cap op, but he had stayed overnight at S.H.I.E.L.D. for the whole week, maybe just to avoid the empty apartment. Still, it was a new thing to be baby sitting cap, even if all he did was sleep. Phil still couldn't get over how he had finally been found in the ice. Maybe it was a good thing he was going away, taking a respite break from all the craziness that was S.H.I.E.L.D.

Louise smiled as she finished practise for that Friday, for Phil would be arriving later that day. That would always put a smile on her face. He could always cheer her up, no matter how bad her mood. He was waiting outside her front door in the apartment block, someone must have let him through the door but she was the only one who had the key to her actual flat. He didn't seem to mind, but in fact he was just going through something via text with Natasha. As soon as Phil heard footsteps he looked up and ran to her. Sophisticatedly, of course. "Hey... I've missed you." He whispered when they broke away. She got her key out and opened the door, pitting her cello down by the entrance and flicking the lights on to reveal a small, but comfortable apartment. They caught up for the week, or Louise talked about her week and Phil listened intently, realising that his more than exciting week was classified. He voiced this when Louise asked, and she seemed a little annoyed about that, but let it go. To be honest she was getting a little tired about all this classified stuff, it was just annoying.

* * *

The rest of the weekend went smoothly, that is until Sunday lunch, mere hours before Phil was due to go. Louise asked the question, "When will you be able to come back?" And Phil grimaced before replying, "I don't know. I'm going to be tied up at work for at least two months and I'm probably going to be sent to the Atlantic and Germany soon. I'm sorry, really Lou I am."

Louise was silent for a few moments, and Phil grasped on to a hold of hope for those few seconds. "I'm sick of it." She whispered and Phil knew what was happening. "I'm sick of all the cover ups of the truth, the lies. The cuts and bruises and stab wounds that you can't tell me about. Never knowing when you'll be home, where you are or even if you're alive. I can't do this any more Phil. I just can't." Tears began to brew in her eyes as she looked at him.

He was devastated, but knew it was coming. "I'm sorry, Louise." He turned and grabbed his bag that was already packed and walked out, his face as hard as stone, not shedding any tears but crying a waterfall inside. Louise couldn't believe he just accepted it. She couldn't believe that she had just broken them up like that. He was her life, and she had just thrown it away like that. Phil mulled things over in his plastic chair at the airport. He shouldn't have left, he should have quit S.H.I.E.L.D., become a better boyfriend and be there for Louise. Why didn't he do that?

* * *

Both of them took a sick day off work that Monday, and spent the day moping.

Natasha and Clint knew something was up, for one Phil came in the day after he had been shot twice, and the day he had had swine flu, but he had then been sent home that day. He couldn't be ill. The pair gossiped as they worked through paperwork, and realised that Phil had been to see his cellist that weekend. Natasha instantly knew that they had broken up, though Clint tried to be a little optimistic and say that he probably stayed an extra day with 'The Cellist' as she was known despite both of them knowing her as Louise. Either way, the duo decided that they would go to Phil's flat that night.

Louise had only been in the orchestra one week and she'd taken a sick day. How bad did that look? She didn't want to know. Luckily for her, there was no one that didn't believe she was ill, especially since her voice was rough and ragged from crying all night. So far, she had only made one friend, a florist by the name of Isabelle. But Isabelle came to see her, and brought biscuits none the less. They talked for a bit, and though Louise did not tell her anything about Phil or what was wrong, she felt a whole lot better afterwards.

Maybe Phil should have know that the Barton's wouldn't take 'sick' for an answer. He should have known they would come over, already knowing what was wrong. That they would tell him to pick himself up, she was just a girl. So what was he surprised they did? Maybe he had been too wrapped up in thoughts of her to think straight. Natasha provided much needed but harsh advice, and Clint jokes and a more laid back way to get over it. It helped but he knew even then that he would never get over it.

* * *

Louise got up everyday just to lose herself in music, Phil got up every day because he knew Natasha, mainly, would shout at him and tell him to get over it. He mainly slept over at S.H.I.E.L.D. to avoid all the memories that his apartment held of her. Both of them had nightmares. Louise mainly just sat with her phone in her hand, just wishing he would call, tears falling, replaying the fun times, and her last words, wishing she had said something different. Thinking about how she'll never be able to get him back. Ever.

Phil kept his phone off, knowing no one would call. And if it was S.H.I.E.L.D. trying to call, they could just find him seeing as he now spent his life there. His hands were permanently red from hitting things constantly. His room was a mess because why would he bother tidy it, there was no one coming around. He kept thinking about what he could do but there was nothing. He couldn't quit S.H.I.E.L.D. The words she said were so true and it just made him sad to think about it. There was always one burning question in his mind. What if it's never alright again?

Two months went past, two months that neither of them wanted to think about. Louise began to play with the Portland orchestra, Phil worked on the Captain America project. Phil turned his phone on again. They both slowly stopped crying and expecting calls but weren't quite right. There was something crying and expecting calls but weren't quite right. There was something missing. Captain woke up, and Phil didn't have the time to see him, with the time he spent moping.

* * *

One day Louise walked in to the 'dressing room' slash 'cases room' to find a large bouquet of flowers on the desk, they said they were to her but who would have bought her flowers? People gradually filed in, all surprised at the flowers. Three white lillies and three red roses amongst an assortment of others. All her friends wondered with her about who they were from but eventually, she let it slip from her mind.

Until the next week, when a new set took their place. And the next. The same happened every Tuesday until Louise realised what her connection with those particular flowers was.

Phil.

She worked it out halfway through a piece and it took all of her willpower not to whip out her phone and call him. Instead she waited for the concert to end and then called him. There was no way she would have deleted his contact.

The hawk and spider couldn't understand why their handler walked out during their briefing and said, "Be back here in ten minutes" no matter what they thought of. Maybe Fury needed to say something to him. So they let it go, not expecting to ever find out. Phil smiled as he picked up the phone. She had realised what the flowers meant. He couldn't stand living without her any more, and had then sent them. "Louise." He greeted. "What do I owe the pleasure?" He really hoped it didn't sound sarcastic.

"Phillip." She replied stiffly, trying not to burst out with a 'Phil I love you I've missed you so much please take me back I'm sorry'. "I think you know what I want to talk about."

"I'm really sorry, Lou. Truly. Seriously. I just want you back because I can't function with out you."

"I-I agree. I'm really sorry about everything. Nothing's the same, nothing's right anymore. I need to make it up to you somehow."

"It's both of out faults so shush. I'm going to come over..." Phil checked his calendar, "This weekend and we're going to talk. Okay Lou? We need to sort things out."

"We do. I can't believe... I just... see you soon."

"Bye." Phil didn't know how to say it, but just before Louise cut off he blurted, "I love you," and then cut the connection himself."

They didn't talk for a couple of days but the wound began to heal for both of them.

* * *

When Phil left for Portland he couldn't believe what was happening. He and Louise were meeting again.

And that they did.

Both of them saw how idiotic their break up had been, and found ways to make it up to each other. Phil, now the Cap thing had calmed down, managed to get find some work in the Washington base for a month, not too far from Portland. Louise relished every moment of said month, and by the time Phil had to go back to New York, their relationship healing.

It took time to completely heal their relationship, but soon there wasn't even a scar.


	5. THE END

THE END

Their relationship healed, and after three months, it was like that two month gap hadn't been there at all. They'd made up ans managed to cope with the long distance, coming to see each other every time they had a chance.

The night was supposed to be perfect. Candle lit dinner, just him and Louise. Pure bliss. But of course none of that happened. Let's start with the week before.

* * *

Phil was in Fury's office, about to speak. "Sir, May I have Friday night off, emergency calls only?"

Fury's eye stared him up and down, looking for weaknesses in the agent. "Why is this may I ask?" It wasn't really a question, more 'Tell me or you die'. Still, Phil told him. But it shall not be announced yet, for that would ruin the surprise. The time off was granted, Phil really did have a good reason. Stage one of his plan was complete.

* * *

Louise was staying in his apartment until Saturday, when she would fly back to Portland.

The next day, Phil began stage two. Not the tesseract one, that's phase two. Stage 2.1 was calling Pepper. "Hello, this is Stark In-"

"Hello Miss Potts,"

"Agent Coulson! What can I do for you?"

"Please call me Phil. I was wondering, could you get me a table for two at a really nice restaurant for this Friday, say at seven?"

"Consider it done, Phil, but why do you ask?" Again. Phil told her of his master plan, of which, Pepper was truly amazed. Pepper would complete the place part of the plan so step two was done. Step three was done with the help of Romanoff, to choose a dress. Step four used Barton and step five he did by himself. By Friday morning everything was ready as he went to work. He was whistling again, exceptionally happy.

* * *

Louise knew Phil was up to something. Since the Friday before he had had a great gleam in his blue eyes. He wasn't around too much for that whole week, but Louise had made herself at home, she was at home, finding out exactly how bad daytime tv was and practising her cello a little. Phil always made it home before eight, but Louise was on the phone to him quite a bit during the day, racking up the phone bills, which Phil would pay as S.H.I.E.L.D. gave a healthy sized pay check to level nine agents. Louise had found all of his Captain America memorabilia. A collection as big as hers, possibly bigger, which hadn't surprised her. The best part of the day though, in her opinion, would always be the time after dinner, where Phil would sit on the couch and Louise would curl up beside him, her head in his lap, and they would watch a TV programme, a film, a documentary on Captain America, which Phil could quote word for word, or play 20Qs. That would always be amazing. Then as she fell asleep, Phil would carry Louise up to bed, where they would curl up in each other's arms and sleep.

* * *

It was Friday morning when the box arrived. A beautiful blue dress and note inside. 'Be ready at 6:45' The note read. "I'll pick you up- P' P could only be Phil. Louise was, it's fair to say, quite excited. This was what Phil had been planning all week. This 'date' (still hated the word) was going to fantastic and romantic. She was so excited, Louise began getting ready at four, almost three hours before. When she was ready at 4:45, she realised it as probably a little early.

Phil worked till three at project P.E.G.A.S.U.S. (not his idea of a name) base, fliting between doing things for Fury, checking in with Barton in his 'nest' and occasionally calling Romanoff to see if she was okay. Barton, Romanoff, Fury and Hill were the only ones around S.H.I.E.L.D. that knew about Phil's date, and Hill wished him luck as he passed her on the way out, Romanoff did when he had last checked in with her, Barton when he gave Phil the key to his and Natasha's apartment, Phil had left everything he needed to get ready there. Fury did not really wish him luck, but when Phil said, "Director, remember, only potential global catastrophes." He nodded and gave a rare smile, something so extremely rare, it had to mean well. Phil went back to Barton's apartment, put on a smarter suit and shoes, picked up his jacket and got in the car, ready to pick up Louise. He rang the doorbell to his own home, before picking up the woman he loved and driving her to probably one of the poshest restaurants in the world. Pepper Potts sure did know how to spend Tony's money.

"Phil?" Louise asked before they went in, "Really famous people dine here..."

To which Phil replied, "Tony Stark's paying." Her mouth opened slightly at that. They went inside, were given their table and began scanning the menus for something to eat.

Once they had both ordered, Louise asked, "So, Phil, What's the real meaning behind all of this?"

Phil's palms started to sweat. It was now or never. He reached in to his jacket pocket whilst saying, "Louise Elizabeth Roberts-" but was cut off by vibrating in the pocket he was currently reaching in to. Louise looked at him slightly confused. She couldn't see or hear the phone vibrating, so couldn't figure out why he had stopped.

After pausing Phil picked up his phone and read the text. He looked her in the eye and said, "Lou, I can't believe... There's a possibility of a world catastrophe. I have to get back in to work. I'm so sorry." A few stray tears dripped down his face as Louise put a comforting arm around him. She said they could do it another day, but would there even be another day? They got meal take out and Phil drove Louise home. He left his jacket with her and drove to S.H.I.E.L.D. where the chaos began.

Louise was pretty miffed when Phil got called back in to work. She knew he was going to do something special but couldn't work out what. She flung Phil's jacket over a chair before hungrily taking out her food. When the jacket was thrown over said chair something fell out of the pocket she wasn't sure was supposed to be there. It was a box small, square. A RING box. He was going to PROPOSE to her. That's why he began with her full name, a posh restaurant and everything! Oh gosh. He had looked so pained when he had to go back in. This was why. She texted, 'We need to talk' Though didn't expect a reply, not when he was facing a potential global catastrophe.

* * *

"I've got Stark, you get the big guy." Phil said in to the phone. Overall, so far the global catastrophe hadn't been very big. Loki had taken the tesseract, with Barton and Selvig, Hill had gotten stuck under some rock, the Phase Two prototypes had mostly been lost, Fury had jumped out of a helicopter, Natasha had taken out three terrorists, and Fury had given the word to get together the Avengers. So maybe it was big.

Phil heard Natasha sigh, and mutter something in Russian, as she realised who the 'big guy' was before replying, "On my way. But tell me, how did the date go?"

"Fury called me in after less than ten minutes. Pretty badly. Sorry Romanoff, someone's got a Stark to handle. Bye." Natasha said goodbye and he snapped the phone shut before making his way to the new Stark Tower. Just before he entered, his phone buzzed. He reads the text from Louise before quickly replying 'will soon, busy right now won't be home tonight. Love you xxx'

Louise was warmed when she read that. Though he said he couldn't talk right that second, he said he loved her, and that was all that mattered. He wasn't going to be home that night but if he saved the world, they could have eternity together.

* * *

Phil really did not want to know what Pepper had just whispered in Tony's ear. It might have been something he wanted to do with Louise later, but he'd didn't need images like that in his head. He agreed to drop Pepper to the airport, just because he could see Louise again afterwards as it was on the way back. "So? Did you ask her?" Pepper asked on the way.

"No... I was pulled out for this ten minutes in."

"I'm so sorry to hear that." The rest of the journey was pretty silent after that.

Once he had dropped Pepper off at the airport, Phil realised it was 11PM and Louise was probably asleep. He crept in to the apartment anyway, and found where the post it notes were kept. He saw the unopened black box on the table and began to write. 'I guess I never got to say this so, Louise Elizabeth Roberts, you are the love of my life and I have yet to regret a single day, hour, minute even second spent with you. You are my life now, so would you do the extraordinary honour of marrying me?- Love you more than my life, Philip J. Coulson.' He stuck that to the box before creeping up stairs and planting a kiss on her sleeping forehead, he cheeks, her lips, before saying goodbye. But he told himself it was only for a little while.

* * *

The next morning when Louise woke up, she quickly noticed Phil wasn't there. His side of the bed remained empty and cold as if he hadn't been there all night. Louise slowly put on a jumper and made her way downstairs to put on a pot of coffee. However. She was halfway to the coffee pot when she noticed Phil's stack of post it notes on the table. On the Orange ones she read his proposal, still shocked that anyone would want to spend the rest of their life with her. On the green she read that Phil had gotten her an earlier fight to Portland, because chaos always happened in New York.

Louise's heart fell slightly as she read. She still wanted to talk to him about some things. Still she told herself to take the flight any way, if something did happen in NY, she would rather be alive than dead.

* * *

Phil's eyes drooped over his morning coffee. He hadn't drunk any yet, but hoped when he did it would bring him energy. Between Phone calls to Fury, Hill, Sitwell and Romanoff, the enforcement of the Avengers initiative, and being told he would actually get to meet his childhood hero, Phil hadn't had much sleep. The few winks he did have were riddled with nightmares about Loki getting to Louise, Louise dying, Louise being tortured or Louise being injured in any way. It's fair to say he was worried about her. Worried not a strong enough word. He booked her an earlier flight to Portland because the whole 'Hulk disaster', all the 'Green Goblin' attacks, and the 'Doc Ock' thing had happened in New York. Nothing had ever happened in Portland so Phil hoped that it would be safer there. He doubted it, but hoped it. He told himself he was being stupid, but sitting in a jet with Captain America, that was hard to believe. If the Avengers were being called together, it meant a potential global catastrophe, a catastrophe he didn't want Louise involved in.

* * *

Back in Portland, Louise had tried to eat, tried to play her cello, even tried to sleep, but nothing could take her mind off Phil, and the ring she had taken to wearing on her left hand. As long as he lived she would be ok. No matter how many bullet wounds, bruises, injuries he came back with, as long as he was alive, and in no condition to die, Louise could deal with it. She wanted to talk about more than one thing with him, not just about the ring.

* * *

Why did Phil have to be the one baby sitting Tony Stark? Natasha knew him better. But she was baby sitting Dr Banner. Why couldn't he be the one baby sitting Captain America? Or Thor? Or anyone but Tony poking-his-nose-in-to-other-people's-business Stark. Pepper had told him about Louise living in Portland, and Tony seemed to think that it was his business for them to keep together. That and he wanted to meet her. However, Phil didn't want him to meet Louise. She would be freaked out, and demand to know more about his work. Tony would also probably try to hit on her, not that Phil, or Louise for that matter, would let him. "Pick a weekend and I'll fly you to Portland, keep the love alive." Stark said as they entered the main area where all the others were. Phil was pretty sure Natasha heard, and knew what he was on about as she gave Phil a nod when he walked past. It was a small, almost sorrowful nod, but Phil saw. He would get back to Louise soon. They had Loki, they were one step closer to the tesseract, one step closer to Clint, one step closer to ending all of this madness, one step closer to Louise.

* * *

He had been talking to Thor when he next properly thought of her. "Handsome fee, private plane. She'll be safe." Phil wished he could say the same about Louise. Portland wasn't too remote, there was no guarantee that she would be safe. Phil would do anything to make sure she was not harmed in anyway, but he would rather not die doing it.

* * *

Louise knew she should get dressed, get out, maybe go and see her friends but she couldn't. Her instinct told her Phil was in danger. That he needed her. Louise didn't know where he was, what he was doing, even if he was alive. She knew it wouldn't stop her worrying, as he couldn't reply but she sent him a text to try and stop her worries.

* * *

"Eyes on me." No, thought Phil, though he didn't have the energy to speak, I don't want my eyes on you, I want Lou. Lou was going to kill him for dying.

"I'm clocking out here..." He never meant to leave her, and as Phil lay there dying he hoped Louise would understand.

"Not an option." He was trying to make a better world, even if it meant sacrificing himself.

"It's okay boss. This was never going to work if they didn't have something to..." He paused, trying to gain control of his breathing again. Suddenly, the phone in his breast pocket began vibrating and ringing. Phil's arm move slightly across Fury's shoe, causing the Director to look him in the eye. "Tell her... Tell Loui..." He was gone. Fury grabbed the the vibrating phone out of the dead man's pocket, as well as a set of keys. The text message Phil had just received said, 'Please tell me you're alive, love you, Lou." Fury didn't have the heart to tell her her beloved Phil Coulson was dead. Hell, he couldn't tell himself either.

* * *

Watching the events unfold in New York, Louise understood why Phil wanted her out of the city. He hadn't replied to say he was alive, but hadn't to say he was dead, either. Not that he could. She watched how, 'Iron Man', 'The Hulk', 'Captain America', The thunder God Kelly had told her was real but she hadn't believed and two spies joined forces to defeat the alien race. She watched 'Iron Man' fly a nuke in to a portal, a load of people questioning whether it had happened, a waitress telling everyone how Captain America had saved her life, and there was still no text from Phil. Twenty Four hours later there was still no text. Two hours after that there was no text but a letter with a S.H.I.E.L.D. emblem on it addressed to Ms L. Coulson.

_'Dear Ms Louise Coulson,_

_I am very unhappy to offer my condolences at this time. I understand that you and Agent Coulson were engaged, but he has added his last name to yours on his file. Let me put to you the plain truth; Phil Coulson is dead. I wish to offer my condolences and hope you do not mourn for too long, as Phil would not have wanted you to. He spoke about you often and I know he will live in your memories forever._

_Yours sincerely,_

_Maria Hill, Chief Commander of S.H.I.E.L.D.'_

NO! Louise's mind screamed over and over as she tortured herself by reading the letter again and again. Phil Coulson could not be dead. He was so full of life, hope and bad jokes barely a week ago. He had changed her surname to his on his 'file'. He genuinely wanted to get married to her? He cared about her that much? Louise didn't know what to think. But she did know she was going to change her name legally, and soon. She knew she wasn't going to go to his funeral, because that would be making it permanent, and making it seem true that he was dead. She knew she would mourn, probably until she died, but she also knew she would do it in private, act as if she wasn't when around others. Thus was true, though she never felt whole again. Even when her life was completely changed a few weeks after Phillip James Coulson died, but only by a little white stick.

THE END OF THE END

_Thank you to all those who've read** Sometimes we're gonna have to Lose **and an even bigger thank you to everyone who followed, favorited and reviewed! I know it says** 'THE END OF THE END' **but Phil and Louise's stories may continue- if I ever get round to writing a sequel! Thanks again!_

**_Random007_**


	6. Note

Hello again, this is just to say that there is a continuation of this story named **_Ain't about how fast we get There_**, however it is posted as a crossover between Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. and the Avengers as I thought that would be more appropriate. Here's a preview and I hope you go and read!

* * *

It had been a year. One year exactly since Phillip James Coulson died.

Louise Elizabeth Coulson was currently dressed all in black as she fed the almost four month old baby in her arms, the last little beacon of hope in her life. For when Phil died, she too died a little inside, and became very closed off from the world. When she had looked up the dead lists, he was the first name, the first known dead. That, in her eyes, was the most heart breaking thing of all. She refused to go to his funeral, as not only would She have not known anybody there, but it would have made the death too permanent. And he wasn't dead, not to her kind anyway, for he lived on inside her heart, her mind. And he had left a piece of him with her. The baby Louise was currently feeding, James Phillip Coulson, was their child, and neither of them had known about him until after his death. The child had mainly Phil's features, though his short stubby nose definitely came from Louise. He was perfect, and half filled the gaping hole in Louise's heart.


End file.
